One-on-One Alumni Grief Recovery

GRIEVING ANY SIGNIFICANT LOSS OFTEN BRINGS UP OTHER LOSSES FROM OUR PAST FOR WHICH WE HAVE UNDELIVERED COMMUNICATIONS…

Sudden loss is its own kind of awful…

Rebecca*, who suffered the recent loss of her eldest beloved brother Robert*, was referred by a former client. She was in deep heartbreak over Robert’s loss.

Robert was not only his baby sister’s lifelong confidante, but he was also her mentor in her successful executive recruiting business.

Not being near brings guilt.

Rebecca had been on vacation in the Bahamas when Robert suffered a sudden heart attack in New York City. She felt guilty that she wasn’t standing by “Robbie’s” bedside to offer him a final loving farewell in the hospital.

Rebecca brought a strong commitment to her healing journey with me. She was relieved to learn that guilt is only a true description of emotion when there is “intent to harm.” She had none… only the passionate wish to be present as a strength for her brother when he passed on.

During her participation in her Grief Recovery Program, Rebecca not only realized but gave voice to all the lost hopes, dreams, and expectations that she would not be able to share with her brother.

An enormous weight lifted from her heart. Instead of recollecting her innumerable memories of Robert with pain, Rebecca was able to transform her feelings to sweet and cherished memories instead.

Rebecca gained an emotional toolbox to bring with her for dealing with any future losses. If she wanted to be witnessed with other losses, she knew that I would be willing and present for her.

Grief is cumulative.

The experience of grief can feel like peeling layers of an onion. As each layer is peeled, there might be, yet, another unresolved emotional loss.

What Robbie’s loss brought forward for Rebecca were three other significant losses which still felt “unfinished.” She didn’t even realize these other losses were still weighing heavily on her heart: the death of her late father, James, with whom Rebecca had a complex relationship; the loss of her favorite Aunt Sabrina in whom she could confidentially confide; and the loss of her dear childhood friend, Alan, from grammar school.

Rebecca chose to continue to see me personally to witness her steps to recovery from the pain she had never expressed about each of these losses.

In her childhood, tears and vulnerability were disallowed, as she was taught to be “strong for others.” If she did feel emotional, she was told to go to her room and “grieve alone.”

Grief is the normal and natural response to loss; however, often in our American culture, what we do about grief is not normal, natural, or healthy. Our parents are simply doing what was taught to them.

Rebecca’s story will continue.

Rebecca had slowly learned to honor all of her emotions and to speak out honestly for her own needs. Releasing the decades of the weight of her past was such a profound experience that she has since chosen to turn her pain into purpose by becoming certified as a Grief Recovery Specialist in this next year!

*Names changed to protect confidentiality.